Lochness Monster, Big Bad Wolf, The Borg, and Space Mountain have nothing on the first year of teaching...

Often, first year teacher's experiences are described as a roller coaster. My journey as a first year high school special education teacher has been no exception. There were days in which I felt that if I never stepped foot back into the school building my life would be 100% better. There were also the days when I left with a huge smile on my face and feeling like I make a difference. Looking back on my experiences, I am aware that there were a number of influences which kept me going this year.

What helped me through the ups and downs of the year were the many teachers who offered advice or just sat and listened to me vent. I can remember in December when I was in one of my lowest moments, one of the second year teachers told me a story about her first year. She told me about the day in which she felt that she would never teach again. She used her story to help me see that things weren’t as bad as the seemed and that I would make it through. On another day, my co-teacher gave me the best advice. I will carry this advice with me for the remainder of my teaching career and my life. She said, “when those kids walk in the next day, you give them a clean slate”. She saw that I was holding onto a number of things. By holding on to the negatives, I was trapping myself into a slump. Her advice helped me turn around my outlook on a number of things in the classroom.

Another thing that kept me going, and possibly the most important influence was my students. My students had a way of reminding me that what I do is important to them. I can recall a few months back, and I was having one of the worst strings of weeks. There was the April child count coming up soon, my graduate class was winding down, and all of the students had “spring break fever”. To say it more simply, I was overwhelmed. It was a Monday afternoon and I was rushing out the door because I had a number of things to do before I made it home. As I was passing through the hallway, one of my students said to me, “hey Miss Crutcher, I’m not going to forget to study tonight. I remember what you said about how well I do when I study”. The conversation he was referring to occurred a few weeks prior. I was amazed that he still remembered what I said. At that point, I realized that my opinion mattered to that student, and that he respected the fact that I wanted him to do well. As frustrated as I felt, I knew that if I had never stepped back into the school, that student wouldn’t have had me there to say good job a few days later when he got his test score back. No matter how frustrated I was, I wouldn’t trade that opportunity for the world!

I can’t say that my first year has been a walk in the park; however, as I look back on the ups and downs I am able to appreciate the moments in which my passion for helping my students overcame the frustrations of teaching. If it were not for the support system that I have found within other teachers at my school and my students, I would have floundered. I would have given into the thoughts that my life would be better if I never came back to the school. I am fortunate to have the opportunity to work with such great co-workers and students.